Since I don’t make resolutions, I can’t look back at those to see how the year measured up. I did have some hopes for 2010 though. I was looking forward to parenting, growing my business, growing creatively, and living healthier. In some ways, 2010 lived up to my expectations, surpassed it in others, and in still other ways, didn’t quite measure up.
We did continue to foster Roo. With Little Miss, it felt like it took forever to get her home. There was one roadblock after another. It was a frustrating process that never went according to my schedule. With Roo, it was the opposite. I expected a long wait, but she came home right away. Once she was home, there were so many roadblocks to her adoption that I wondered if we would ever finalize. We did finalize though at the end of June — almost a year from the day she came home to us. After adopting Little Miss, I felt like parenting Roo would be easier — ha! Some aspects have been easier, but I still had a lot to learn about trauma and parenting from Roo. Her first tantrums felt like a breeze after Little Miss, but I wasn’t prepared for living with the effects of trauma and neglect. Her first year of school with us was difficult, but she has come so far since she first arrived.
I did blog more regularly in 2010 than 2009. Most of the time. I didn’t do a very good job of following my editorial calendar. Some times life got too busy and my blog fell by the wayside. Some times, I needed to put my blog aside and tend to real life more carefully. In a perfect world, I would like to have all of my blog posts written ahead of time, ready to fire off on schedule, whether or not real life was busier or needed some extra TLC. Live and learn. One new development for 2010 was writing for Engage Wisconsin, which will continue into 2011.
When I started 2010, I wanted to work through The Artist’s Way. I’ve picked that book up several times, but never finished it. 2010 was no different. I did do my Morning Pages more frequently, and found a nifty on-line tool for them. I wanted to bring music back into my life, and took guitar lessons to that end. As I wanted more music in my life, that’s not one of my top priorities right now. I will pick it up again, but for now, parenting matters more than music. Woodworking fell completely by the wayside. I still have ideas for projects, but haven’t actually done any. That is mostly a function of feeling like I never have time with all of my other life priorities (children, work, freelancing, writing). I did, however, participate in the Clarion Write-a-thon in 2010, which pushed me creatively both in my writing and in putting myself out there. I promised three videos in the course of my Write-a-thon, but have only produced two of them. Sorry, Paul. I did make a Blooper Reel for Paul though. That should count for something, right? Right?
We are eating healthier in 2010 — more organic foods and more local foods. I ran my 5K, but I chickened out of a duathalon I had signed up for. The most discouraging thing is that I’ve gained weight. It seems like I can’t stick to an exercise routine for more than a couple of weeks. Between school, work, freelancing, doctor’s appointments, and extracurricular activities, it feels like I am always on the run. If I can’t get my exercise done in a forty-minute window I have between getting off from work and picking Roo up from after-school activities, I can pretty much kiss it good-bye.
Best and Worst of 2010
My first impulse was to make a top ten list, but when I got to the top worsts, I couldn’t get past gaining weight. There were some personal worsts that I don’t want to blog about, but if the “best” I can come up with for impersonal worsts is gaining weight, then maybe this wasn’t such a bad year. Even taking the personal worsts into consideration, I think the bests outweigh them.
As much as gaining weight is one of my top worsts, it isn’t that bad. I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life. In the past five years, I’ve been at peace with it though. Long ago, I decided that I’d rather be fat and happy than thin and miserable. I’ve been thin and miserable before. I’ve been obsessed with keeping my weight under a magic number. I’ve starved myself to the point of faintness and hunger pangs. I’ll take fat and happy any day, thankyouverymuch. But I’ve been proud of the fact that I’d lost one hundred pounds. I’ve been able to maintain that weight to within five or ten pounds for the last five years without even trying. That was a huge accomplishment. I’d rather be in the normal BMI range, but I didn’t obsess about it. This year, I gained forty pounds and haven’t been able to get under 190 again. I would still rather be fat and happy than thin and miserable. It’s really just my wounded pride that makes this a worst for me.
In addition to the highs I’ve mentioned, two more bests were having amazing friends and re-discovering what an amazing husband I have. Paul has been a creative inspiration and one of my personal cheerleaders this year. Everybody needs a personal cheerleader and confidant —preferrably more than one. I’ve been lucky enough to have more than one, but Paul is the only one with a blog I can send you to.
As for my husband, my Honeybear, he is just amazing. He has been patient, loving, understanding, faithful, forgiving, patient, supportive, giving, compassionate, hard-working, wise, and did I mention patient? Too many women have unreal expectations of their spouses, and I’m one of them. It’s not that I hold my husband to impossible expectations; it’s that I spend so much time expecting X that I don’t see how amazing his is in terms of Y. Despite the worsts of 2010, and in some ways, because of the worsts, I’ve learned to see just how amazing he is. For that, I am thankful.